Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
