I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
