As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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