I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
