Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
