The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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