that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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