You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
