remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
