Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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