i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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