It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
