at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
