You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
