I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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