It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
