I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
