So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
