so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
