i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Vodka?
Forever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
