I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
