I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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