i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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