the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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