i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
