and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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