i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This is not my ceiling
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I deserve this hangover.
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