I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
