so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
