I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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