So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Is it because I queefed?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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