and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
