Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize