she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
