Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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