New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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