Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
