This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
