I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
