...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Enjoy the penises
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
