Ambien. No doubt about it.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
