i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
