Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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