Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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