does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
