Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
