I'm so fucking centered right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
