maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
