when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
