I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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