So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
