I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
