i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
