get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
