Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
