I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
