Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
