She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
