How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
