the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
