booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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