Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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