yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
