apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
