I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
