I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
