i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize