dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
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