Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
