She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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