Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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