He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
