we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
