I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
